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On the Road, After ....
(A post-Easter Meditation)

Lord, I believed in You. I really did.

But then -- all our hopes and dreams for the Big Deal we were sure you'd promised, evaporated. Fell apart. The worst happened. Everything we'd worked for, believed in, was snuffed out. Like that.

And You were gone. Gone! I wanted to disappear, too, but I didn't. Life went on. I had to make a living, show up for the family. So I did what I usually do -- I walked. I walked, Lord. Seven miles, toward the sea.

The oddest thing, along the way, this guy shows up and we talked as we walked.

He started asking pointed questions, and I found myself spilling it all out -- singing like a canary, blubbering like a fool. "Oh well," I thought. "I'll never see this guy again, and he feels safe." So I ask him, "Why do you think it happened? Where do we go from here? How could I have been so stupid? They say we believe what we want to believe. Well, I believed. Look where it got me."

Then later, when we got to Emmaus, we asked him to stay. He was telling us good things. Big Picture things, and we wanted more. We knew this was not an ordinary conversation. So he came into dinner with us, and it was then -- when he broke the bread -- we say that it was You! It was You.

You said, "Don't you know dear ones -- slow of heart to believe? This had to happen. Everything is going to be all right. Trust Me." Then you were gone again.

Oh, I was glad. So glad! I ran back, the whole seven miles, to tell the others. But -- why did it take me so long to recognize You? To see that it was You?

How often I go through life -- head down, eyes down. Dreams dashed--loss--disappointment. I trudge along. And then, unexpectedly, You show up.

That time, when I was 16, and I'd decided You didn't exist. I was doing life without you. One day doing dishes with my mother, I told her, "I don't believe in God anymore." And she laughed. Gently, with her brown eyes shining, and said, "It's okay that you're questioning. What good is anything if you can't question it? He's always been there for me, and He'll always be there for you. Now get these dishes done!"

And I didn't know it then -- but You were there, shining through her brown eyes, hugging me with her unfailing arms of acceptance.

Then there was that other day, not so long ago, at the hospital. The worst day ever for our family. Your absence was so big, so encompassing, it was palpable. Where were You? Why was this happening? Why?

And then -- our children, our friends filled the room. With no words, only tears and open arms. And suddenly, there You were.

So often it is this way -- You show up, walking beside us, reminding us that You will never leave us nor forsake us, no matter what.

And Lord ... Because I love You -- show me how to walk with others -- simply to be with them on their journey ... to allow the broken bread of Christ to be seen.

In Luke 24, it says, "As He sat at the table and took bread, blessed and broke it and gave it to them, their eyes were opened and they knew Him. And he vanished.

"They said to one another, 'Did not our hearts burn within us while He talked?'"


© 2006 Nancie Carmichael, All Rights Reserved
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